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Anonymous said: how much would it cost to ride that cute face? ;)

clarknokent:

eatmeallnight:

trunubis:

taint3ed:

lovinnforgiven:

babycakesbriauna:

grapejellyking:

iight check it out, im finna give you the full list right now

Kiss: $30 per minute

(plus an additional $20 if you want some tongue)

Cuddling session: $50 

(half price if customer provides netflix access)

Heavy Petting: $100 

(includes touching of both parties, and a free 2 minute makeout session)

Perform Fellatio: $250 

($100 off if you swallow my offspring)

Pussy Eaten: $350 $200

ON SALE NOW

(plus $25 for face-sitting privileges) 

(plus $30 to get eaten from the back)

69: $425

Sex: $1 per second ($60 per minute) OR $250 for a five minute session

(plus $35 for every different position)

(plus $45 for strange positions)

(plus $75 if you want me to hit it raw) (must be on birth control and must perform a sexual background check. we are not held responsible for accidental pregnancies, and lawful action will be applied for the spread of STD’s. use at your own risk)

(plus $100 for anal. must bring your own lube)

charged $45 if i have to drive to your house.

plus $10 for ‘talking dirty’ privileges

plus $5 per ass smack

$100 taken off of any of the actions listed above if you make me climax

plus $100 if customer climaxes

acts not listed above are negotiated face-to-face

Premium members are granted a $750/week subscription to any of the options listed above, PLUS a free date per month to a location of their choosing. (gas money charges still apply)

different locations for the acts are available free of charge (Iimited time only). if the sexual acts are interrupted or cancelled mid-way through, the customer will still be charged full price. (negotiable if shown wonderful customer hospitality)

taxes will be applied

we are not held responsible for bruises, stiff muscles, bite marks, weak legs, angry boyfriends/parents, prolonged slumber, soreness, or stains of any kind. we respect your choice in choosing our 5 star service, and hope to hear from you soon

image

I can’t stop…can’t stop

image

Don with you forever

He got the prices on point tho.

Lmaoooo

New business plan for 2014

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aheartsaheavyburden:

rydenthatdick:

saleminterror:

a-cis-anti-feminist:

oneboredjeu:

Have a nice day.

WHAT THE FUCK

I can’t decide if this was worth pausing Fall Out Boy for 

Oh it was

what….the fuck

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BET YOU WON’T @ CM PUNK ON TWITTER THO STEPH.

(Source: straightedgemeansimbetterthanyou)

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shitloadsofwrestling:

CM Punk chants are this generation’s “You screwed Bret!” I feel like this shit is gonna last for a decade until someone comes out and finally says, “I get it. I fuckin’ get it. Get over it.”

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